Mayor Quimby (" There's Something About Marrying") We need to bring tourism back to Springfield! As usual, I will open the floor to all crazy ideas that jump to people's minds. Groundskeeper Willie (" Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore") Brothers and sisters are natural enemies! Like Englishmen and Scots! Or Welshmen and Scots! Or Japanese and Scots! Or Scots and other Scots! Damn Scots! They ruined Scotland! But wherever America has needed me, I've been there. I've brought laughter to your homes three days a week, eighteen weeks a year, for twelve of the past 25 years. Professor Frink (" Sweets and Sour Marge") Oh, what gave me away? Out of curiosity, was it the "hoyvin" or the "maving" or was it the whole "GA-HOW-VING!" thing that I do? I'll be shot three days before retirement. Montgomery Burns (" The Mansion Family") Damn Roosevelt! Cause of parents' death: got in my way. Let's see, social security number: naught, naught, naught. Stephen Hawking (" They Saved Lisa's Brain") Your theory of a donut-shaped universe is intriguing, Homer. Religion must stay 500 yards from Science at all times. As for Science versus Religion, I'm issuing a restraining order. ![]() I've done everything the Bible says! Even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! What more can I do? I.I.I feel like I wannaa yell out, but I just can't dang-darn-diddly-darn-dang-ĭing-dong-diddly-darned do it! I just.I.*sigh*. I've even kept kosher just to be on the safe side. (lie detector dings) Now, would you unhook this already, please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment! (lie detector buzzes). (lie detector buzzes) Alright! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog. (lie detector buzzes) Dinner with friends. Now, a word to our audience: even though we're being broadcast on Fox, there's no need for obnoxious hooting and hollering. The League of Uninformed Voters presents the Springfield Mayoral Debates. Hi! I'm Troy McClure! You might remember me from such self-help videos as 'Smoke Yourself Thin' and 'Get Confident, Stupid!' My Krusty calculator didn't have a seven or an eight, and Krusty's autobiography was self-serving with many glaring omissions, but this time, he's gone too far! I got a rapid heartbeat from his Krusty brand vitamins. That does it! I've been scorched by Krusty before. I'll avoid the horrors of drug abuse, but I do plan to have several torrid love affairs, and I may or may not die young. I'll be unappreciated in my own country, but my gutsy blues stylings will electrify the French. ![]() Well, I'm going to be a famous jazz musician. Sleeping? Eating a big sandwich? Watching TV? Spending time with the boy! Spending time with the boy! The boy needs attention, Marge. Museum? Tomorrow? Oh, oh, Marge, I'd love to, but I was planning on. Marge Simpson (" Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire") The magic of the season has touched us all. Maggie is walking by herself, Lisa got straight A's and Bart. Speaking of life going on, Grampa is still with us, feisty as ever. ![]() ![]() But we bought a new little cat, Snowball II, so I guess life goes on. First the sadness: our little cat Snowball was unexpectedly run over and went to Kitty Heaven. Update the "Random subpage" start and end values above to include the new Quote.ĭear Friends of the Simpson Family, We had some sadness and some gladness this year.These Quotes subpages are randomly displayed using
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